There are so many articles about how career women can and cannot have it all. This is not a “How to have both or pick one or the other” manual. It is shared story in hopes of creating human-to-human connections on experiences, emotions, and expectations. Vulnerability is okay. (Side note: Therapists often weigh when to share and when not to share personal information.)
It was not until I pulled my head out of the toilet for the umpteenth time one day, I realized one thing from the alleged “morning sickness” that seemed to last 24/7.
I thought to myself, “How am I going to work and be pregnant?!” How could such a supposed joyous time bring fear, resentment, irritability, annoyance, self-doubt, and struggles with identity? Also, where was this shame coming from?
These seemingly fateful questions brought me to tears. I can recall dreading and feeling embarrassed to tell my colleagues that I was…. umm…… pregnant. For some reason, this felt like the F-word: Failure. Here are some helpful tips on how to talk with bosses or colleagues about maternity leave.
I thought these questions would change the pace of which I worked, my honed identity, and relationships built with clients. After all, my identity was formed around my career, being a therapist, and a supportive colleague. Goodness! How things did change, but not in the way I thought.
What I found was overwhelming compassion and growth (Not just with baby, but my own physical, emotional, and mental growth). My colleagues accepted and exclaimed their excitement about the “new addition to the business.” Mothers that are friends were supportive and discussed their experiences with pregnancy and expectations. Tears, check! More tears, check check! This time tears of relief and happiness.
Not everyone has this experience at their job or individuals that they can talk with. So it is important to know the law about maternity leave. There is a wide array of experiences that are unique to each person, especially during pregnancy. Which led me to explore other emotions, expectations and experiences. Loneliness, fogginess, uncontrollable laughter, anxiety, past experiences with my own mother, and…. All. that. [pregnancy] jazz…..
If you feel your experience is different, the same as mine, or just need more info about parental leave and parenthood in private practice. This article has specific tips for therapists and some good info in general about parental leave and your job.
“You chose this!” kept repeating in my head. Despite all the people supporting me, it occurred to me through exploration, that I was experiencing loneliness and a vast amount of other emotions, physical, and mental changes in this pregnancy.
Here are some of the common happenings in my very pregnant-very human experience. If you have one, some, or all of these emotions, let me tell you this is extremely common.
Emotional Changes, Physical Changes, Mental Changes
Loneliness in that first trimester of waiting to tell the world. Excitement in that second trimester when you may have a tad bit more energy and then the beat drops. Anxiety and loneliness settled back in now that the feeling of “I’m about to be a parent and feel you have no clue what you are doing” become very real. You might be asking yourself, like I did, “Who gave me the license to care for another human? Was that person taking a nap when they approved me to take care of a baby?” Then the third trimester….. oh that third trimester. sleep deprivation, body aches, fogginess, and expectations…..
A therapist can still be my identity, a career can still be in the picture frame, and emotions are definitely part of the mine and every other human’s experience,
What I have learned from my emotions, experiences, and expectations is to be kind to myself… I will have all the emotions. ALL. OF. THEM. This experience is life altering. Realizing I can be a pregnant therapist has changed everything. No, I cannot have IT all, perfectly, the way I want. I am human and can expect to have a very human experience.
******If you find yourself with emotions that lead to wanting to hurt yourself, having emotions last longer than two weeks, or if you find you are having struggles within your workplace, at home, or do not know who to talk to or how, don’t hesitate to reach out to your doctor and a therapist.******